Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Brian's Presentation

I am sorry l have slowed down again, l am still working as much as possible and on the positive side it was the presentation for Brian at the British Parachute Association AGM in January. I gave a very short thank you speech on Brian's behalf. I had coppied and practised with a short poem but got an urge to read back on Brian's facebook. By about 5 days before it was so strong l had to get up in the middle of the night and do so. It wasn't easy scrolling back through the messages when he passed but l finally found the reason. He had posted 2 short paragraphs and they were his words l knew what l was meant to read out so l did.

"Brian is over the moon and very humbled with your amazing way of thanking him for his contribution to the sport he loved.
On behalf of Brian l would like to thank his friends, fledglings & everyone in the BPA for this wonderful honour.

Brian said in 09:
Skydiving is not just a sport or pastime, it can become a way of life, like a curse with consequences but can also have a very positive outcome. Personally it keeps old people young.
Just enjoying our sport more than l have for a long time, still some miles left in this old git, Take care"

It was a long emotionally hard day but everyone was fantastic. Until l saw the video l was completely blank about what had happened like the funeral it was all in still strobe flashes of various bits.
I was asked how l was able not to cry? if l had cried l couldn't have spoken and it was to important to thank everyone on Brian's behalf.
For me, Brian is still with me, it isn't something l believe, it is something l know and l draw strength from that.

I decided late last year to take up skydiving again after a 19yr lay off will see how it goes. The date of my training is secret until after l have done my first AFF jump, needless to say it will be at Langar.

Things at home are not going to good here my Mum has had a breakdown and is back on the psych ward. She spent 7 weeks there over the Xmas period bullied there by the psychiatrist and yes l do mean bullied.

She came out for 2 weeks and her meds which l had said from the start were not working proved how badly. The last 3 days he (psych) insisted she had new meds despite the fact they caused very bad hallucinations.
On the 2nd Sunday (3rd day of the meds) l got a call from the home check they found mum collapsed. I shot round she was up but rubber legged so l removed the meds being a Sunday no one to get help from. She was fine by mid afternoon.
Next day she was going again and l realised it was the main tablet. She was in a state and the psych nurse a nice lass called round and agreed she had to go back in. The psych and l had a HUGE row on the phone l blame him totally for things getting so out of hand no matter how often he is told about what's happening all he wants to do is up the same bloody meds.

Mum went in and finally lost it when the ****** psych went and told her l was rude and needed to be more polite to him and others (others means his sidekick who l like as much as ****** psych). The words were the same as those he used to me amongst others in our argument. This was the tipping point my mum has been pretty much crying since and he STILL hasn't sorted her meds.
I will give him this week (3rd back in) to sort meds then l bite the bullet and tell them to get mum a new psych but the problem is other one "offered" is his friend so is it frying pan and fire?

I am having trouble getting enthusiastic over things at the moment, l want to but but not actually getting a grip on happy. Brian and my Angels have been working overtime today a small switch inside was flicked in dealing with my mum, l didn't get stressed not sure the reason but it was like knowing you are almost at the top of Everest. There may be another bloody great mountain in front but l know l am able to get over this one and so the next will have to be aware l will climb it as well.