Thursday, 3 December 2009

Dog's Rules For Christmas

1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog cuddles.

2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.

3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.

4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know: Don't wee on the tree... Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree... Mind your tail when you are near the tree... If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open... And Don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree.

5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part: Not all strangers appreciate kisses and cleans. Don't eat off the buffet table. Beg for goodies subtly. Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your spot on the sofa -- they don't know any better. Don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach unless you can get away with it...

6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important: Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses. (4a is particularly important) Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house. Be nice to the kiddies. Turn on your charm big time.

7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DO NOT BITE HIM!!!

8 comments:

bringmesunshine said...

That's going to keep me chuckling for hours. Thank you!!!!

aromatic said...

I needed a laugh and that is brilliant!!! I have discussed this in full with Basil and he thinks your rules are very agreeable..... but what about some rules for cats... as on the odd occasion Basils partners in crime Bold and Bootsie the felines of the family have been known to find the Christmas tree a very exciting playground... especially those dangling baubles that need to be pulled off the tree and chased around a little... and although this owner attempts to apply citrus essential oils around the tree it doesn't always have the desired effect.... lol!!!
Love Jane xxx

aromatic said...

Sorry fuzzy head onto day... meant to say I have heard that citrus essential oils are a great deterrent for cats, and even though I apply the oils in sporadic places it still does not keep the lovely felines of my blasted tree!!

Roses said...

Brilliant.

I'll print it out and give it to all the dogs I know.

Joanne said...

Fantastic, I have discussed these rules in great deal with my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel called Jessica & my moggy called Boi. They both agreed to the rules but a cheeky glint in their eyes are telling me a different story :-)

Joker the Lurcher said...

wonderful! must mention to dave about the weeing thing...

Hogday said...

A friend visited recently, with her 9mnts JRT. It wore a `nappy` and a red T shirt with `Santa's little Helper` embroidered thereon. I didn't laugh then, but managed to when i read this post.

Vetnurse said...

A Nappy?? ffs what is it with people. No wonder you didn't laugh.

I do wonder how many of you who show the rules to pets will have them obeyed :-))