Sunday, 4 April 2010

Killer Korma

I gave the prep table a quick wipe and threw a couple of incontinence sheets over it. I then placed on it a 4 pint bottle of milk, a tub of mayonnaise, a tub of natural yogurt and a large roll of blue paper (used to clean kennels etc)
Pushed a chair up and checked the “table to mouth ratio” was correct and the table did not need to go up or down. Finally sat and read my book while l waited for the microwave in the food prep to ping on my chicken korma curry.

It may seem an odd table setting but given the slum that passes for a staff room l have been eating my shift meals off the medical prep table for the last 10 years, when l have had time to eat. If you swabbed the staff room and swabbed the prep table l know what would be cleaner. And anyhow it had a couple of clean kennel incontinence sheets over it.

At the ping l went and pulled my korma curry out of the microwave trying not to burn my fingers as l peeled the plastic off the top.
Then sitting down l plonked a couple of huge spoons of mayo on my korma and swirled it in.
Carefully l took a bite. My face went red, sweat broke out on me, tears started to track down my face my mouth shrivelled in pain and my taste buds screamed as the hot spice hit them. I was determined to crack this curry eating though.
I grabbed the bottle of milk and took a healthy slug like an alcoholic downing his most desperate drink of the day.
A wipe of the face and another bit of blue roll for quick nose blow as the sweat caused my nose to run with fluid as well as my skin and eyes.
Wincing at the thought of all that curry heat still to go l chucked a couple of large spoons of natural yogurt onto my korma and swirled that in with the mayonnaise to try and kill the hot spice.

Another bite and another glugggggg of milk.. a very long one and more blue roll, more mayo. I had a very white looking korma that was going cold with all the condiments but still very spicy. It was surrounded by a small sea of discarded blue roll. And a red faced tear and sweat sniffing human (me) was bent over it.

By now my helpful co-workers were in stitches at my discomfort at what they claimed was so mild it was a stew not a curry. I glared at them and the vet informs me that it is better than watching tv watching me trying to eat what he sneeringly calls a meat stew. Ok so don’t call my korma a curry, but it is bloody spicy.

10 minutes later with sweat pouring off my bright red face, almost all of the milk downed in desperate gulps l reach the end of my spicy chicken korma.
My helpful “voices of advice” aka co-workers push off to do something useful. I throw my empty korma container, table cloths (incontinence sheets) and sea of blue roll into the bin, take one last gulp of milk and go off to look for some constructive work.
Sitting down relaxing on a dinner break while my mouth is burning and my taste buds are singed is not much of a break. Things are improving though l ate the whole lot tonight. I may bring in a tub of butter with my next meal, l hear that’s good for killing spices.

I will be at it again the following night (work time permitting) trying to get myself used to curry because l think by not eating spicy dishes l am loosing out on something. If l ever get the hang of curry’s and spice l may just discover what l am missing out on.
For the moment all l can figure l am missing is my taste buds and an unburnt mouth. I am hoping after all this hell l am not wrong about missing out on something yummy…am l?

I have been on my korma curry experiment for about a year and a half now at home and work. Sometimes l can eat the whole lot provided it is always drowned in mayo, the yogurt doesn't help much. I have found the best way is to get 2 pieces of bread thick with butter and slap as much korma n mayo in the middle as l can and have a “korma sandwich”. When that is eaten I then eat any chunks of chicken left and avoid the rest of the curry.

I remembered a post l did on curry a couple of years ago for those who have not read it l decided to recycle it in the best tradition of saving the environment.
Curry Contest


dickiebo said...

Afraid you're doing it all wrong!!!
It is ESSENTIAL to prepare yourself first, with a couple of pints of lager. Probelm solved. Promise! lol.

Vetnurse said...

Sure and 2 pints of larger later (actually about 1/4 pint later)would be one unconscious vetnurse.. not to useful mid shift :-)

aromatic said...

This cracked me up.... I am not good at this curry thing, but a korma I can cope with (just!)
Also not so good with chilli... only the beginners really mild ones! My son coaxed me into trying a chilli he was eating with slightly more kick than I am used to and once over some initial wincing I managed the whole thing, but he didn't warn me that I would experience a secondary burn whilst (coughs loudly) the next morning!! God that was badddddddddd!! Wishing you much luck with your continuing quest to master the art of curry noshing!!
Love Jane xxxx

Vetnurse said...

Braver than me l wont challenge chilli. Even those Sweet chillie crisps SWEET!!! who are they kidding???????

LibraLass said...

Hehehehe, I had a good chuckle at that. I dont mind some curry. Nearly died when my eldest decided to make dinner last week. (Remember he has lived on the border of Mexico for 4 years)........... HOT doesnt even begin to descibe what I had in my mouth!!!!! NEVER EVER again.

Sage said...

It took me ages to learn to like curry and that was when I was living in Malaya. There they serve up curry with chopped up fruit and veg to clean the palate and soothe it. So try chopped up banana, apple, tomato and pineapple chunks. Sadly the milk doesn't work except to fill you up xx xx

Stressed Out Cop said...

There was a time I could do a Phall - the rules no talking - straight in and don't come up for breath - must be gone in 5 mins.

Korma ??? dear me !!!!!!

Vetnurse said...

I remembered an older post l did on curry and decided to pop it up as a footnote on the main post for curry lovers.

SOC l know l know beef stew but to me it is *&$%^&$"£$*& HOT!

JuliaM said...

Agree about the lager. And a kebab, got to line your stomach first... ;)