How to Order a Meal!

Stopped at the Little Chef on the A34 just outside Oxford on the way home last night.

 Me...I would like the beefburger with cheese, bacon and garlic mayo BUT no bun and no chips instead l want a fried egg*

Her...Stares at me like l am from outer space and 3 heads (ok l was barefoot but she wasn't looking at my feet) No bun no chips?

Me... Correct a .... * (repeat order)

Her...But no bun and no chips (this is an alien concept for her)

Me.. correct, l am a T2 diabetic and potatoes, bread, pasta, rice puts my blood sugar up so l eat low carb high fat. (said slowly as waitress though nice is obviously not to bright)
Her... repeats order

Me... No beefburger *

Her... Would you like a baked potato with that

Me... NO just what l asked for T2 diabetic bloods remember

Her/Me... She repeats something by now sounds totally unlike my order but l talk over her repeating the order about 3 times.

She goes off and l hear her repeating something in the kitchen that again l think l mis hear but sure chicken is mentioned but ...no l have bad hearing l know that.

Her.. Can l get you a drink?

Me... A cappuccino would be great thanks as weak as possibly if you can get one shot or less l would be happy.

Her... Placing meal before me with triumphant but rather dim smile proud to have managed such a hard order.

Me.... stare glumly at plate and loose will to live. 2 fried eggs (asked for 1) some lettuce and 2 small slices of tomato great some sort of mayo (not garlic) a breaded chicken slice not sent back there is no point so start to eat.

Her.... here's your drink l didn't put chocolate on as l KNOW that diabetics can not ever eat chocolate

Me... well actually l eat Lin...(my voice dies off l am already on a slippery slope l am not going to complicate it) ....ok thanks

Meal was ok but not what l wanted didn't tell them that life would have got more complicated.

I see that as l had a burger after 18:00 l get a free soft drink... well l am not going without.... Come to pay go collect my drink from fridge... l get a free one right l asked.
Ermmm yes l get a hesitant glance from her and followed by... the till won't accept it.
Que the manageress as vague but nice as her.... umm oh look cause you had no bread it wont accept the drink.... waitress. l think we put the 2 eggs there instead though.
They peer at computer poking it.
 Look l said getting a bit Alice in Wonderland. I am paying for a full burger aren't l
Oh yes 2x beaming smiles.
Ok l am having this you sort that later l have a long drive ahead.
No problem  we will do it as a normal burger...um pepsi max 2ltr ummm it doesn't have smaller 2 stare at computer.
I raise my eyes to heaven and mutter through clenched teeth....Try scroll up! Ohhh ummm 600ml? seems strange amount? It is 20% extra the only ones you carry l sigh and melt towards the floor Oh of course (2 big beaming smiles) I place my card press button, take my card and slip repress so they get their paperwork and place it back as the 2 biddys are staring at the computer trying to work out how to put in l had 2 eggs and no bread...l snuck out exhausted