Saturday, 20 September 2014

Police Needed

A couple of years ago in 2012 l was at a veterinary practice with a branch surgery, l was staying in the bungalow behind the surgery along with a locum vet.

One morning she said that a couple of times over the last couple of weeks she had been there, she had heard the sounds of someone trying to break into the branch surgery and was not sure what to do and she was very nervous.
I had slept through and not heard a thing, the bosses were puzzled and said best to call the police if she though someone was breaking in.
l told her look just wake me up l am very pissy when woken and will go deal with things ... come to that l am pissy in general so l will go see if you need to bother police or not as they have a lot on and to yank them off something important did not seem right. It was very strange there was no sign of break in attempts scratched locks or anything amiss l wondered if dogs were messing about or foxes?

2 nights later she woke me up with a loud stage whisper into my room "The noise's are back". I flung on my clothes and rang the police as l went storming round to the surgery in my usual foul temper on waking, as l stomped round l called 999. Needless to say they were not happy and insisted that l stay and they would send someone. I told them it would be more than a bit late as a van was pulling out onto the main road.

I bellowed and it stopped, l called the number, type and colour to police while the guy in it started to insist he should be there. I had a short altercation with him and  police control were going nuts asking what was going on. The vet was way back yelling to be careful and back away.
As usual l followed my own path and continued walking towards him having a few words with the driver along the lines of you are talking rubbish and updating the police.
Then he pulled his trump card..... He waved a key at me and paperwork and said he was legal, followed by the immortal line a movie script would have been proud of "I am the bodyman".

I relayed this info to police control who went into panic mode almost screaming at me to get away while l almost began hit my head with my hand and making a FFS comment everything coming together with a cymbal crash.

Look l will prove it he said throwing open the back door.
It is ok l told police control he has opened the back and l can see the bodies.
At which point l think the controller l was speaking too freaked into new year and l got a case of hysterical laughter at the whole fiasco and realised she wasn't veterinary...l explained between laughter that we are a vet practice he is collecting the bodies of patients and the clinical waste l checked.

I think l heard her sigh of relief and understanding from several miles away, the vet and l were laughing and the body man also joined in (a bit) before leaving.

About 30mins later a police car rolled up to check we were ok and took it in good heart, the bosses went bright red when informed of the nights going on and at not remembering the collection service who are key-holders, to be fair to them the practice has been there l think over 30 years so things become common place and not thought about.

The night of the "Body's" will long be a legend at the practice l fear judging by the body man's reaction when he saw me the other day for the first time in 2 years when he went to the main practice to do a day clinical waste collection and saw me...he chuckles about

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