Days Off and Cat's

I have had a funny few days. In theory l have been off but chasing round trying to choose a phone at different 02 shops. And l can not say l am impressed with their business section we have had several months of being messed about. We are now getting a second reimbursement due to being overcharged, hopefully now solved.
I did not think l was that bad when l got a little bit angry with them on the phone, in the 02 shop yesterday. I told the shop assistant lass next time l would get really angry she went pale. I said l had surely not been that scary and she just gulped, guess l was scary?

Then there has been the garden doing some trimming and want to attack that again today, housework. And finally trying to sort my Mum's computer. It has been running so slow you fall asleep waiting for it to do anything. I think it must be because she only has 480 RAM (or something around mid 400 anyhow) l have defragged, run anti virus/spyware scan and an AOL computer check, and also emptied all the temp files and unused stuff l could find. So if anyone else out there has any ideas on why it would run slow l am open to ideas.

Then topped of with a CPD night last night on "Cat Behaviour" that was very good and held at Chestergates Referral Hospital near Chester. They have a full set up of specialists including MRI and are a very good practice. (but no stand alone website!)

I would like to do more on behaviour for animals but l do not have the money or time to do a proper course which lasts for about 2 or 3 years. And to be honest it is such a complex subject it should be done properly or not at all.
I will give basic advice but anything more involved l send people to proper animal behaviourists. Either or APBT or COAPE or the degree from Southampton University (not sure of it's degree name though).

There is to many people dabbling in it and giving out wrong advice. I have dealt with some really scary behaviour advice from owners that they have been given by so called experts. Just because someone trains dogs or has done a short course they are to my mind not behaviourists. The Cesar Millan The Dog Whisperer type are few and far between.

So as l have been so slack of late l decided to put up some humour and the type of advice a mother cat may pass onto her kittens either that or it is genetic behaviour?

1. If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. Shag is good.

2. Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the evening. He won't dare push you off and will even call you "nice kitty." If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath, so much the better.

3. For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select colours that contrast your own.

4. Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

5. For guests that say "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings, or a quick nip on the ankles.

6. Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs and hammer doorknob with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half in and half out and think about several things. This is important during very cold weather or mosquito season.

7. If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. For book readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can lie across the book itself.

8. For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to doze. Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This is what she calls a dropped stitch. She will try to distract you. Ignore it.

9. For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being removed the second time, push anything movable off the table (pens, pencils, stamps) one at a time.

10. Get enough sleep during the day. Sleep can not interfere with night time activities!

And finally Simons Cat.