Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Car 54, Where are You?

I have been on nights so not really with it much the last 6 nights. First night on we had another police incident. I was trying to decide what to call this blog. Either after the American sitcom 'Car 54 Where are You' or 'Very Special, Special Branch'
When l told the vet who had been involved with the previous incident about the following when she finished laughing said.
" There is Special Branch and a Very Special Branch, we seem to get the Very Special Ones."

We had a dog in that had to have a mouth swabbing. At least the sergeant l spoke to this time was very helpful and said he would get someone and swabs to us as soon as possible. No behaving like a prick like the last one l dealt with.
The police we get are pleasant but what are they taught? The 2 that came were not the probationer material we had last time, these looked to have been in a bit longer.

About 5am 2 officers turn up with 2 huge packets of swabs. I only needed 2swabs out of about 50 in 2 bulging packets of sealed swabs.
They were clueless about what was needed. Did they leave the swabs then go, did they write them up, where did they take them. I insisted they stay while l swabbed which took all of 2 minutes. As to where they went to I suggested they ring their sergeant for info
After swabbing they looked at the swabs like they were aliens so l passed 2 empty evidence bags and said seal them in there and write the details on, my name area swabbed FWIN etc. still blank looks, and nothing written on the bags, oh well not my problem, l had told them and offered the details.

The male officer grabbed a packet of suture material and asked what it was. I told him, he looked blank. “To stitch things up” l tried again, still vacant looks. His partner, female stared at him with an ‘oh no here we go again look’
Shrugging the male put the suture material in the bag with the unused swabs. What did you do that for l asked?
“ermmm” he looked at me blankly.
I grabbed the packet from him and took out the suture material and said “That’s our biosyn to stitch up animals.. unless there are some scroats mouth you want to use it on?”
His partner raised her eyes to heaven as it was obvious from the blank look the male officer did not understand what l was saying only the fact he was not walking off with our packet of biosyn.

He was a cat person and asked to chat to some cats. I introduced him to one of the medical cases on his way out, my mistake they stood purring away at each other, well the cat purred he stood muttering ohh who’s a lovely lad then and other such comments.
His partner mindful of time said to hurry up the nurse is busy, was it that obvious l thought.
“Coming” was the reply.
After about 3 goes she grabbed his arm and dragged him out.

Outside the practice on the front steps he stopped, and said “ohh we don’t have your details”.
“Nope l did try and give them to you” l replied.
So he gets down on his knees and plonks everything onto the floor and scrabbles round his pockets for his notebook while trying to gather up the spare swabs and evidence bags that have come out of the plastic bag and spreading across the floor out of control.
With a sigh his partner takes hers out and writes my name down, he manages to gather everything up, stands up and they disappear, literally it turns out.

At about 8:45 just about to sink into my bed l get a phone call from work.
“Did you have the police here earlier to swab that dog?”
“Yes, what’s up?”
“Well police control have been on do you know who they were because they have disappeared, well not exactly disappeared but they do not know who came down and there was just a garbled message about things from some one in the police, they do not know who the message is from and no one knows who or where anyone is”
“No l didn’t bother with names l was busy and tired, ring the sergeant dealing with the FWIN”
“Which station were they from?”
“I don’t know l said” getting a tad miffed, “for gods sake get the police to put a call out for a nice but vague male officer that likes cats and a pleasant, but exasperated female officer who is organised”

So if anyone recognises the pair and they are still lost, please do not ring me, l am to tired to care.


Hogday said...

I've worked with some in my time that have made me wonder how they find there way to the toilet. I was convinced that one `flopsy bunny` I had on my shift had his wife leave him a reminder note by his clothes, "First underpants, THEN trousers". He left and is now a vicar somewhere.

Dave the Dog said...

He he. You get them in all walks of life, but you are getting your fair share!

JuliaM said...

And I thought the ones that couldn't hack it were quietly shunted off to the British Transport Police.

Obvioualy, they just get 'vet duty' instead... ;)

Annette said...

Vetnurse, I was going to nominate you for the award but dickiebo has beat me to it.
God, he is just soooo quick.

Vetnurse said...

Thanks Annette :-) and gee we get ranked lower than BTP thanks Julia :-))
Hogday wonder how he is managing as a vicar but somehow than seems better than a copper for the poor guy.

Auntie Jane said...

ROFLOL... I can hardly believe it all, but being a fan of several Police blogs, I do believe it.

It does make me wonder though. Why are the swabs wanted in the first place? Is it to prove or disprove that a perticular dog bit someone? It doesn't do much for the dog you swabbed if no details were noted. All very confusing.

Vetnurse said...

Yes to prove or disprove a bite and l agree on the lack of notes but short of actually writing the darn things out for them.
I assume if they have messed it up then the dog is as they say free to go, me l just shake my head in wonder at life at times.

Hogday said...

I dealt with a dog bite when I was a country beat officer back in 1979. The lady was bitten on her upper inner thigh. Our procedure was for the `wound to be noted by the officer, if practicable, and detailed in the official pocket notebook`.

I mentioned this to the lady in question, but before I could say, "But in your case I'll have to arrange for a policewoman to view it", she dived in and said, "No problem" and in a flash (!) whipped her skirt up and yanked her knickers to one side, pointing out the bruising and puncture wounds amongst the parts I didn't intend to view. She didn't bat an eyelid, whilst I remained totally professional, thanked her and said that I'd got the picture. I do miss some aspects of my former career. (If I've mentioned this before on this blog, I'm clearly still not over it.

PC Plastic Fuzz said...

“I don’t know l said” getting a tad miffed, “for gods sake get the police to put a call out for a nice but vague male officer that likes cats and a pleasant, but exasperated female officer who is organised”

He he - they'd probably put that out on the radio too.

Vetnurse said...

hehehe Hogday was she pretty?

PF It would help if the police l seem to deal with were nasty then l could get mad, but they are very nice (if vague, eccentric) and it is frustrating, l have a lump on my head hitting it against the wall!

Hogday said...

She was a natural blonde, that I do recall.

Vetnurse said...

Hogday l wont lower the tone asking where l shall assume you mean her head.

Hogday said...

From where I was stood, the tone was as low as it was going to go!

Vetnurse said...