Thursday, 11 June 2009

Furry Exocet

Furry Exocet's AKA Police Dogs. You are big strong and when you walk into a room it doesn't matter if your partner is the worlds greatest sex god/goddess you are the one every stops doing whatever they are doing and looks at.

You work with smaller cousins who are like little fire crackers going off called springer spaniels, generally sweet tempered but can be slightly ditzy. You are the heavy duty dignified brigade.

So when you go into the vet's to have a vaccination what happens to your dignity courage, that tough dog exterior. All the vet did was lift a big fold of skin on your neck so he could give you a little injection. You have hammered it more jumping in and out of vans, over walls and being pushed and pulled about by life. The vet advanced his hand holding a syringe with a small very sharp needle on and you went to pieces. He got to about 6" of your neck and you started to scream in terror. Your partner tried to hold you but you preceded to do the "doggie break dance"

Scream in terror and fling yourself down onto your back on the assumption that what is really about to happen is someone is going to hammer a 9" hole in your back with a blunt pickaxe. Push yourself across the floor as best you can lying on your side/back... screaming, realise that your handlers arm is now not holding you and he is rubbing it. You stop leap up and kiss everyone you also kiss the evil vet(who is actually very sweet).

Round 2 firmer grip from your partner and evil vet moves in nervously. Start to scream again and leap upwards launching in a spectacular leap that smacks into the vetnurse and mashes her into the wall, quick lick in apology in passing, or was that just a tongue lolling out mid scream. Hauled back by handler and start to shake and try to run in a circle.... screaming. All stops while everyone gathers their breath. Everyone gets sloppy kissy licks and you bark happily to tell all the dogs that you have survived.

Round 3 start to get the hang of tying it all together now. Scream so no one can hear anything, fling on you back and push in a circle with hind legs attempting to trip up whoever is daft enough to have their feet there, leap up and outwards in one movement but get hauled backwards. Spin to face evil vet and walk backwards. Continue screaming no snarling as that would not be nice. Evil vet with syringe and tiny but sharp needle is becoming very unnerved. Ignore comments from bystanders and hysterical laughter and rude comments from vetnurse at wussy behaviour - vetnurse is not the one being threatened by a needle!. Break free from partners grip and try to run away but get grabbed. All break as human and furry exocet are becoming fragile.

While all having a rethink on tactics all round vetnurse suggests a muzzle as evil vet is now not happy to come to close even though you never threatened him once. Muzzle placed and white flag is raised. You lie there eyes almost closed and very tense groaning and shaking. It takes 2 goes of your partner asking "Well are you getting up or what?" to realise that you missed the injection going in and it was all over and the muzzle was being removed.

Then a quick sloppy lick to all in reach including the evil vet who is now back to being a good buddy vet. Then back to barking happily to continue the conversation with the dog with the broken leg who is giving you the story of what happened to him, and you think a vaccination is tough.


Dave the Dog said...

Classic and oh so true! Nicely told.
A perfect description of my lad.

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

Sooo true... police dog's can be wooses...
I can just picture you all...
glad i didn't actually have to hear it!

Constable said...


so I have no more sore bums I will carry a syringe (minus needle) and show it to furry missile in future. I now feel safe. Information exchange is valuable on blogs isn't it?

Vetnurse said...

Dave ear plugs are obviously in order then with your lad.

Fi l am surprised you couldn't hear things from there it was loud enough.

CC it may work but methinks you need that needle :-))

JuliaM said...


Mind you, I bet there's a fair few big tough policemen who do much the same when asked to sit in the dentist's chair... ;)

Roses said...

Thanks for that, I laughed and laughed.

Constable said...

Never howled as long as I live, left with big nail marks in my palms though after the dentist.

Quite strange considering my nails are bitten outrageously!