It was one of “those” evenings tonight. Tomorrow Kenilworth is closed so the Xmas street lights can be turned on, so l decided to get my trip home supplies tonight. For a change l went to Waitrose. It is years since l have had a good mooch and shop there.
I was about to head for a slot when this woman pushed a huge laden trolley in and started to load her car. I snarled and parked a couple of slots down. It was just outside the front doors, great.
I had just got in and walked along the pasties and pies isle when alarms started screaming. Everyone looked round and ignored them, continued shopping. I was looking for the crushed garlic when a little womble in Waitrose clothes came up and asked pleasantly if l could evacuate as that was the fire alarm.
I walked down the isle towards the front door when this idiot in Waitrose managerial gear glared at me, walked up towards me and bellowed “would you put your basket down and leave the shop”.
I was ok till then but that got my fangs dripping. “Would you prefer if l run screaming in panic, leaving my basket as a health and safety hazard or head at a calm walking pace and leave my basket at the door?”
“Oh l didn’t realise you knew they were the fire alarms and were headed for the door”
I was walking down the middle of the isle, heading for the door WTF did he think? Or did he even think do Waitrose demand thinking from managers.
“You moved the door from just over in front of me” l said in horror, “OMG!”
He saw danger signs and legged it at this point.
I decided to wait a bit with the rest of the evictees. It was that or drive off to Sainsburys if l did not go home, then tomorrow would be wishing l had waited. After a couple of minutes a lady walked past me pushing a pram with a child in.
A couple of mobs of evictees stood at the 2 exits. A lady managerial was striding about with phone and looking efficient. And still we waited.
The lady with the pram did another round of the car park.
Wib’s was in the car bored so l got her out for a stretch. She and l are now frozen and l am in sod it l will stick this out mode. If there was a fire then where are the men in red?. As soon as they work out how the damm alarms turn off all will be well.
The managerial lady has been given a reflective top and reading a red file, obviously checking all her points.
18:23 sirens scream in the distance, finally 2 lots of men in red pull into the car park. Fast response 25minutes! I do not know before any one comments where the men in red are from.
My ideal parking place is not any more. Even if l want to say sod it and go home l can not, they have blocked me in.
The lady with the pram ambles past again.
I walk to the other side of the men in reds blue flashing lorries and there is one on folded knees writing on a board. He has a snazzy patchwork leather top on.
I discuss with Wibble if he is writing an odds board, 10/1 no fire found 3/2 will get it out in 5 minutes, 2/3 someone will get to the meat counter and have a nice bit of steak tonight.
The other option is he is writing out a specials board for afterwards. £2 smoked salmon/kg, £2 smoked meat/gms.
By now we are bored and l pop Wibs back in the car, climb into the front and turn on the heating.
The lady with the pram sweeps past us on yet another round of the car park, l am tempted to ask if the park wouldn't be nicer?.
Finally at 18:40 we can go back in. I get a couple of things and look for some Dr Pepper 500ml bottles. There is none, l stare around in disbelief, nope what about the snacks section, can not find one, the minons of Waitrose are busy with other MOP's (members of the public) so give up and get some cloudy lemonade.
Finally get to a checkout with one couple waiting and think WOW my lucky night at last. And wait, and wait. Pickup my bits and go to the basket checkout. My card needs to be put through manually as there was a problem with how the tills were shutdown in an emergency. I walk out get to the main doors and there is the snack section and bottles full of Dr Pepper.
Sod it next time l just go to Sainsburys.
Before anyone tells me yes l know it was a log board the "man in red" was setting up.