Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Veterinary Nursing & Zoo keeping

You know you’re a veterinary nurse or zookeeper when...

After work, all you attract are flies;

Your tan lines wash off;

Your pets greet your shoes and not you;

You never shake hands without brushing your hands on your trousers first;

Your snot is black and not clear;

You get really excited about a good solid poop;

You will eat most anything from the animal fridge as a snack;

You have two closets...one for work and one for the real world;

You have more photos of you animal kids than of your friends;

You wash your hands thoroughly BEFORE using the toilet;

You politely decline to shake hands because you know where your hands have been;

New pooper scoop bags, new types of disinfectant and shovels are more exciting than diamonds;

You can be bribed to do anything for chocolate cake;

Over lunch the discussion involves the consistency of faeces;

The casserole at the Christmas party reminds someone of an animal’s discharge and you eat it anyway;

Your uniform has blood, anal gland and poop, stains and fresh samples;

You lock every door behind you;

You can make water run uphill, because architects believe all drains should be in the highest corner;

Talk of animals’ faeces does not gross you out when eating;

You are not fazed by a faecal sample in the fridge next to your lunch;

You can eat a chocolate sunday as soon as you finish cleaning up the parvo kennel;

You look better when you wake up than when you get off work;

Friends and family get concerned you are in an abusive relationship because of the number of bruises and cuts you have all over your body and the fact that it takes so long to try and remember how you got them;

When you can fall in a pile of poop and laugh it off but if your hose stays kinked for more than 2 seconds while you are hosing, or your disinfectant spray bottle or your paper towel rolls off you go mental;

You have eaten things off the floor, after you have logically thought about it and use the 10 second rule;

You use surgical tape for EVERYTHING;

You can carry a full 5 gallon bucket of water without spilling a drop;

When you find yourself becoming defensive over the animals. Especially the really ugly ones;

3 comments:

Stonehead said...

Your list pretty much sums up being a swineherd as well.

I had visitors a couple of weeks back who were horrified to find me swigging tea and eating a bacon sarnie while wearing dung-splattered overalls and standing next to a huge pile of mucky straw. I pointed out that I had washed my hands in the 5-gallon bucket of agricultural disinfectant first, but that only made them shudder even more.

Or when I went to the local shop a while back. I'd pressure washed and disinfected my boots, swapped my jackets, washed my hands, and wipe the muck off my face. But I was still a little ripe as I stood on the queue and most of the customers were keeping their distance as I stood in the queue.

Then an elderly gentleman tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Don't worry about them, you smell no worse than me..."

Hmmm.

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

Absolutely brilliant - thank you so much for this :)
Great to find your blog - loving your posts :)

Loupie said...

"You can eat a chocolate sunday as soon as you finish cleaning up the parvo kennel;"

Sounds like me, I did work experience in a vets when I was younger. My family did not appriciate me dicussing the rottie castration I had seen that day when we had meatballs for dinner.